Many people spend their lives searching for a role model. They employ mentors upon mentors to serve as an example. They struggle to find someone whose values line up just right with their own. They put in energy and effort just to find that special individual to look up to in personal development.

But I got lucky.

My role model didn’t walk into my life; I didn’t have to hunt for her or search far and wide. I have been fortunate to never go a day without my role model’s influence. Some might call it a cliché, but that none negates from the truth or merit of my role model:

Wendy McBay, my beautiful mother.

My mother has seen challenges and upsets that would make many individuals give up - She never has, though. Upon hearing her story, many people respond with, “Wow, she really beat the odds.” And she has. Mom has overcome her trials with grace and dignity. She has always known when to hold her head high and went to let her guard down.

Her story is an inspirational tale, but it’s not mine to tell. If you’re lucky like me, someday you’ll have the chance to sit down with her and listen as she shares her experiences. But for now, I’ll stick to telling you about how she has influenced me and my personal development.

Mom of course influenced me in the typical parenting role. She nurtured me as a child while teaching me responsibility and cultivating creativity. She taught me how to do laundry and how talk to boys and how to carry myself with confidence. I owe her much of my personality because of these lessons.

But it wasn’t until the last five years or so that I truly began to appreciate and value my mother as a unique asset in personal development. It was then that the distinct line between parental figure between mother and daughter and friend became a little bit blurry. As I entered into young adulthood, I felt a change in the way my mother and I communicated: the things we shared and talked about made the shift from instruction to advice more and more apparent with every passing birthday.

I would not call my mom “friend” before “parent.” She’d laugh and say, “Your dad and I - we aren’t COOL parents!” like she always said in high school. But I know that she and I both feel like we can share a mutual respect. She no longer tells me what to do; rather, she tells me how she would do it.

This advice-approach is so valuable to me and my decision making processes. I’ve learned through trial-and-error that running big choices by my mom before making them allows for the best outcomes. She encourages me to consider every avenue and outcome before making my mind up on one set choice.

Being away from my parents’ house while this transformation has taken place has cultivated an even stronger appreciation of my mom. Whenever we get the chance to be in the same place, we enjoy our time together with story telling and laughs.

Sure, my mom and I have tiffs. We disagree on things, just as any parent-child relationship does. There have been times in my life where I have thought the typical rebellious phrase, “I’ll never be like my mother!”

But in my young adulthood, I cannot tell you how far from the truth that phrase is. I would only be so lucky as to end up as the kind of mother mine is to me. Now, I see my mom’s life and think, “I can’t wait to be like my mother.”

And that’s the truth: I look up to Wendy McBay. I strive to implement her lessons in my everyday life. I take her genuine advice with value and as influence in my major life choices.

She’s one special woman, and I can’t tell you how grateful I am to know her. She is my role model, my mentor, and my friend; but first she is my mother. 

Everyday I think of my mom. And everyday, I recognize just how lucky I really am.

Happy Birthday, Mom! You’re looking great at 28!

“My Heart is in…” Left, My plaque of CA. Right, Sam’s plaque of MO.

Samantha and I met as the two new kids in fourth grade. We instantly connected as best friends. Back then, we would have told you that we were BFF’s. But we didn’t quite understand the second “F” yet. It took a few years for us to learn: The second “F” in BFF stands for Forever.

The Separation

When we were thirteen, Samantha’s family packed up and moved to the suburbs of San Francisco. San Francisco is a long ways away from St. Louis, Missouri. In fact, it took them over 30 hours drive time to make it there. To a 13-year old, she might as well have been moving to another planet.

We had an emotional last few months together, and when the time came, I stood in her driveway with tears in my eyes and watched them pack their car. I can still remember those play horses on display in their stables in her room in that house on Sundowner Ridge. It chokes me up thinking about watching her leave now.

Even though I prayed it wasn’t so, I knew Sam and I would lose touch: soon to forget about each other and to find replacement BFF’s.

Answered Prayers

Against all odds, Samantha and I had a connection that wouldn’t give out. Amazingly, we kept in touch, updating each other on the exciting new experiences of high school. We remained each other’s anchor - the one friend we could always count on.

Sure, we didn’t live within driving distance of each other. We couldn’t gossip about our classmates or teachers. We never had the chance to meet up at the ice cream place down the street or spend a Friday night at the mall. 

But that’s what made our friendship so strong: when it was the two of us, it was just the two of us. Me and Sammy Joe, up against the world - even if those two worlds were thousands of miles apart.

Adventures Together

Sam and I were able to stay so close because even though we were physically separated by half a dozen states, we were inseparable. It became a top priority to plan trips and adventures together. Luckily, both of our sets of parents understood the value of our friendship and worked to make our adventures happen. And boy, have we done some cool stuff.

Samantha & Courtney take on San Francisco, 2008

Together, Sam and I have taken on some of the greatest experiences of our lives. In high school, we were able to see each other twice a year - sometimes even more than that. As our priorities and responsibilities have gained weight with maturity, our time together has been limited; we now are only able to spare shorter trips, maybe once a year.

But that doesn’t make our time together any less valuable.

Samantha & Courtney visit Chicago, 2012 

My friendship with Sam is one of my most prized possessions. Samantha, my best friend in the entire world, is not just a friend - she is my family. My parents think of her as a daughter, my brother as a sister. And me? I think of her as a necessity. I couldn’t get by without Sammy Joe in my life.

In a few days, Samantha will be venturing to spend her Spring Break with me in my crappy apartment in the chilly Midwest of March. We’ll veg out, eat some good food, and share a few laughs - one might even say her Spring Break will be “nothing special.” But they’d be wrong, of course. Because what we have is so special: it’s the kind of friendship that you come across only once in your life - the kind of friendship that will last forever.

I love you, Sambo!

In a lecture focused on motivational theory, the professor posed an interesting question:

“WHY The University of Missouri?”

It really got me thinking: Why am I at Ole Mizzou?

Sure, the campus is beautiful, the tradition rich, the social scene exciting - but why MU? Why am I here?

After some pondering, I came to the conclusion that my motivations for choosing the University of Missouri and my motivations for staying are two very different things.

I initially chose Mizzou because it was close to home, had a great reputation, and all of my friends were doing it.

My first semester was successful at MU: good grades, making lots of friends, feeling comfortable. But by the end of the semester, I started to get bored. The motivators of popularity, peer acceptance, and good grades weren’t enough for me.

I wasn’t being fulfilled or satisfied by my experience at MU.

These extrinsic motivators all focused on factors outside of myself. Friends and grades motivated me, not internal factors like pride, advancement, or achievement. 

Because I lacked intrinsic motivation, the following few semesters were -to put it kindly - unsuccessful. Poor academic performance, failing friendships, nonexistent campus involvement —- I was struggling.

After two semesters on my college’s academic probation, something finally clicked:

It’s time to turn this train around.

Suddenly, I was on fire about school, campus involvement, volunteering and a slew of other positive avenues. Aside from an improvement in grades, the rewards for this paradigm shift were all internal - I was feeling a sense of pride in my work and activities. 

No longer was I going through the motions to barely scrape by.

In the past year, my love for the University of Missouri has blossomed. I view and respect the school as a tool for personal development. It’s not just a temporary place for me anymore - it’s a means of cultivating knowledge and improving self.

I have my motivational shift to thank for this change. By refocusing my goals away from external validation, I have found success by valuing my sense of self, centering on pride and achievement.

Taking these changes into account, I can adequately answer my professor’s question with one simple answer:

Why MU? Because there’s no where else I’d rather be.

For the past four days, I’ve literally had nothing to do during the day. Thursday’s snow storm in Missouri left school, events, and work all cancelled and me in my jammies.

It was the perfect opportunity to hammer out projects and assignments at school. Homework doesn’t do itself, you know.

But did I did that? Ha, no way.

Right off hand, you might think I was in procrastination station, putting off due assignments, not being “productive” — but I would completely disagree.

I may not have been working on school work, but I was absolutely productive.

I revamped my online presence, which might seem like a waste of time to some people, but is most definitely not.

Developing an online presence has many benefits. It can help in finding a job, impressing future employers or in keeping up with networks and friends.

But my argument for why my weekend was, in fact, productive does not focus on the actual activity - it focuses on how much I enjoyed myself.

I got so wrapped up in developing my personal branding materials for my online presence that hours flew by without me noticing. I was so involved and present in my projects that my roommates had to tell me it was late. And even then, I stayed up a few more hours working.

I loved what I was doing.

I don’t think you can call something that you enjoy “procrastination.” Sure, it might be taking the place of something due, but if you are loving what you’re doing, it is in no way a waste of time. And in the back of every passionate person’s mind, there is always just enough room to squeeze out due assignments later (and they usually make it happen on time).

For me, the completed projects serve as the fruits of my labor. I see the hard work and time I put into them and I feel pride in my projects. I feel like I truly accomplished something, and it feels great.

But, Monday is right around the corner, and those assignments are calling my name. It’s finally time to step away from the fun stuff and get down to business. But my hope is that my sense of satisfaction in my projects will keep me moving and on track…

But stay tuned to twitter - you never know when I’ll need a break!

Mentors have the potential to transition into lifelong friends. These are the people whose opinions influenced you in life-altering choices and decisions, so of course the line between formal mentoring and friendship might dissipate. 

This is why follow-up is so important to a mentor-mentee relationship.

Mentors need to know that their work with you is appreciated. They need to know that they are respected. You might implicitly demonstrate these things, but reaching out with a “Thank You” can mean the world to someone who volunteers their advice and efforts to better your situation. Keeping up via e-mail or face-to-face meetings is a great way to stay in touch and maintain a relationship. Expressing an interest in the mentor’s life and situation shows the respect they deserve.

These things take effort - but they make the mentor-mentee relationship so much more valuable.

I know first-hand how much effort this takes. I know I can and should do a better job as a mentee. Mentoring is priceless to me, and I know that, but I need to make sure the mentor knows it as well.